In this conversation, Anisa, a relationship coach and expert, discusses the field of psychology and the problems people bring to her. She explains the difference between counseling, therapy, clinical psychology, and hypnotherapy. Anisa also talks about the increase in awareness and acceptance of mental health issues, leading more people to seek therapy. She describes the process of therapy and how to choose the right therapist. Anisa emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and reaching out to loved ones for support. She shares her own methods of self-care and recommends books on human psychology. Anisa concludes by urging parents to be aware of their children's mental health and to prioritize building strong and understanding relationships.
Guest's Bio: Anisa Padaria is a mental health counselor. relationship expert, author of two books, graphologist, and an educator. She has 20+ years of experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to adolescents, adults, couples, and families. An altruist to the core. Her approach is person-centered and strengths-based, focusing on helping her clients identify their inner resources to overcome life's challenges. She utilizes evidence-based techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and motivational interviewing to help clients develop coping skills, process emotions, and make positive changes. Her goal is to create a safe, judgment-free environment where clients feel empowered to share their stories, gain insight, and achieve their mental health goals.
Takeaways
--Psychology studies the mind and behavior, which is important for understanding relationships and personal growth.
--People seek therapy for various relationship issues, including romantic, parent-child, and work relationships.
--Increased awareness and acceptance of mental health issues have led more people to seek therapy and counseling.
--When choosing a therapist, it is important to have a phone call or initial session to ensure comfort and compatibility.
--Self-awareness and reaching out to loved ones for support are crucial in maintaining mental health.
--Engaging in self-care activities, such as singing, journaling, and pursuing hobbies, can help therapists cope with the challenges of their profession.
--Parents should know their children's mental health and provide support and guidance.
--Reading books on human psychology can enhance understanding of oneself and others.
Full Interview Transcript
Nazneen Kachwala (00:00.0)
Hello Anisa ma 'am. Thanks for joining in. It's a pleasure to have you on this episode.
Anisa (00:09.486)
Thank you so much for having me over Nazmeen. It's indeed a pleasure from my side as well.
Nazneen Kachwala (00:16.225)
So ma 'am, considering the theme of today's episode, I'll start with a very basic question so that it becomes clearer for us and our audience as well listening to this episode to understand the theme. What is exactly psychology? How do you explain this to a layman?
Anisa (00:38.893)
Wonderful. This is something that I think in these times everybody should be aware of because psychology as a broad term is just the study of the mind and behavior. And we need to understand people better for that reason for relationships to flourish. It is so simple that you understand the mind at the easiest and the behavior that manifests.
Nazneen Kachwala (01:04.321)
Okay. Okay. Now you have experience of dealing with relationships and you are a relationship coach and expert with over two decades of experience in the subject and you have dealt with a lot of these problems and spoken to a lot of people. How or what are the problems you see in general that people bring to you these days?
Anisa (01:35.245)
Okay, so yes, there are a lot of relationship issues that keep coming across and it's not only like a pair which is a couple, okay? There are a lot of other relationships as well. So it could be a parent -child relationship. It could be a girlfriend and boyfriend. It could be a married couple. We do pre -marital counseling as well so that you are prepared much in advance if at all you wish to get into a relationship.
Anisa (02:04.685)
Then like I said, a mother -child relationship, a parent -child relationship also is a major concern these days. So parents do reach out, you know, if children are having some kind of a problem, if there is a gap of communication, they definitely want to reach out and understand how do we go filling in that gap and understanding children better. So it could be any relationship, it could be a boss, an employee, it could be anybody that you are interfacing with.
Anisa (02:31.853)
And to understand relationships better, it's important that you reach out to an expert that can guide you through and take you through life in the most simplest way. So there's no technology -based thing that you really need to understand at that level. It's very simple, and it's just simple guidance that's given to them.
Nazneen Kachwala (02:57.313)
Okay, now,
Nazneen Kachwala (03:01.569)
So I asked that what kind of problems people bring to you now. What is what exactly is the reason now we see that there is a lot of awareness, a lot of discussion around the subject already. Is that the reason that now people are considering to get therapy or open up with their mental health issues or is there a general problem or an increase in the complexity in our societies that have led to an increase?
Anisa (03:32.941)
Actually, both of it is equally important because people are aware, okay, they are well read, they are reaching out, they know exactly where they need to go and, you know, talk themselves out because counseling is a forte which people actually seek. And now they reach out for a primary reason that they know that they will not be judged. Okay, so there are people who are willingly wanting to come ahead and share their concerns.
Anisa (04:02.829)
They want to discuss things in the open and they know that they will be heard. So there is something which is very clear enough. Now people are open to, you know, coming and meeting a counselor. Even therapy has become very convenient for people. And now see, because I am into online consultation, so it becomes easy. COVID actually helped everyone go technology wiser. Okay. So they can go ahead just sitting in the, you know, in their comfort zone at home.
Anisa (04:31.789)
reaching out through a zoom call and they are definitely going to be helped that way. So the awareness is definitely there. People are also open. Okay. And then word of mouth also helps because if there is somebody who seeked help and who's approached me or approached any counselor, they would definitely know that, you know, there is somebody who can hear you out and help you with your concerns. So yes, definitely. There is a lot of awareness.
Nazneen Kachwala (05:01.569)
So since we would want to understand the process of therapy better through this conversation, how would you describe a session of therapy for someone who has never been into a therapy? What happens when someone comes to you and what is like a standard protocol that goes inside the session?
Anisa (05:15.341)
is right.
Anisa (05:27.346)
Okay, so when people do reach out, like most of them reach out through the website, okay, and then there are some people who reach out through word of mouth. There are a lot of contacts that, you know, just go ahead referring that go and visit this counselor or this therapist. Maybe you could get, you know, your concern resolved. So this is what happens. I basically insist on a phone call before I jump into anything. So it's a brief call, okay, it could be a voice call.
Anisa (05:55.698)
where they just feel comfortable who they are going to speak with or get on a session with. After the concern is actually known to me, I'm very easy and I know that things could just transpire very clearly between the two of us, then I suggest counseling. So they come in for a session of counseling, that's just getting to know each other, making the person feel better, then there is therapy if needed.
Anisa (06:23.921)
Okay, so there is never a situation where you just jump into therapy because sometimes only talking helps. Okay, they just want to come and you know, be there just be themselves and talk their heart out to somebody who's not going to judge them. So that's the most convenient way of beginning at least for me. So it's a phone call, then it's a brief session of counseling. And then if there is a need for therapy, we suggest that.
Nazneen Kachwala (06:56.065)
So you mentioned two words here, counseling and therapy. But then there are many other words in context of this subject. There is counseling, there is therapy, there is something called clinical psychology, there is hypnotherapy. What is exactly the difference between these words and...
Anisa (07:15.891)
See these are all related to mental health in their own respective ways. Okay. Now, if you were to ask me about hypnologist, what does a hypnologist do? So they go into the mode of, you know, relaxing and ensuring that you sleep well, you gain confidence and focus through patterns of relaxation. Okay. So they have verbal cues that they give, they use imagery.
Anisa (07:43.347)
They definitely go ahead making you feel so comfortable in that space, in time. And most importantly, it's something which is done in person, which works better. So a hypnologist does something so beautiful to gain confidence and focus in a person. If you were to ask me as a psychologist or a psychotherapist, that is me. Okay, so alongside therapy, being a psychologist, understanding the mind and behavior is very important.
Anisa (08:12.98)
So that makes me a psychologist who can understand the mind and behavior. Counseling is just simple seeking advice. So if somebody is looking for a counselor, okay, they don't want to go through any kind of psychological thing, they don't want to go at sharing too much information, they are not ready for therapy, then they just come seeking advice. Could you please guide us on something? Okay, so it's just a brief session of giving advice.
Anisa (08:42.964)
And then of course there is a psychiatrist. So if at all there is some kind of a medical history that needs to be looked into and they need to be medicated, we as a professional psychotherapist and a psychologist are not going to go ahead prescribing drugs. So it's the psychiatrist that we lead to and they will prescribe the required drugs that are needed.
Nazneen Kachwala (09:08.257)
Alright, so it's like a ladder, it's like an hierarchy, a step by step procedure towards guiding your patient or your client towards... yeah.
Anisa (09:16.308)
Absolutely. So if I do feel that there is a need where they need to go and see somebody who can give them some kind of medication, then definitely we refer them to a psychiatrist because it's important that only talking cannot help. At the same time, only medication doesn't help. So we always go hand in hand. Okay. And each of us are dependent on each other.
Nazneen Kachwala (09:41.697)
Alright, now as you said that this is an hierarchy and everybody, you know, like it's, I think it will become very clear to the people who are listening that who should be the first person they should approach to. But we also see that there are many therapists, many counselors, many psychologists now available and you know, all of them probably are doing very nice, very great work in their domains. But how can an individual
Nazneen Kachwala (10:11.617)
decide that who he or she needs to approach to. How can he, because like as a first timer, I probably might not know you and I can like have a conversation with you, I can have a conversation with someone else and then maybe decide. But what would be your suggestion in helping a person deciding the therapist for himself or herself?
Anisa (10:34.445)
Now in these convenient times, people definitely go Googling. They see the number of reviews, they see how many stars, and they also want to go ahead assuring that they are seeing the best person through word of mouth. So definitely that is something that helps. But like I said, when I start or I get somebody coming to me, it's mostly a phone call to make them easy. I will assure you, you'll be fine.
Anisa (11:04.406)
all you need to do is just share a little bit information over a voice call and then you could come on Zoom. So that very first session is not just bombarding them with questions. Okay. And this is something which people should understand that seeking help is always the right thing to do rather than just Googling the symptoms and you know, whatever is going wrong within you, you're not able to put a finger on what's exactly happening.
Anisa (11:34.358)
It's important that you go to the right person and it could be a simple counselor. Okay. So people do go ahead now see, for example, like I mentioned for me, it's mainly the website and I'm also a member at therapyroot .com. So people do, you know, reach out through that as well. And there are a lot of other sites where if you only type in depression, then it takes you to millions of sites out there.
Anisa (12:03.094)
and they definitely go ahead helping people in their own positive manner and the way they have the expertise on. So yes, people, for me it is very important that people do make the right choice at the right time if they are disturbed mentally.
Nazneen Kachwala (12:21.249)
Okay, you said making right choices at the right time if someone is disturbed mentally. How does someone figure out that he or she is disturbed mentally? Because sometimes they are not in the state of acceptance or acknowledging that they are mentally disturbed and they need some help. So first of all, how can a person understand that he or she needs some help, a professional help?
Anisa (12:45.046)
Excellent question and it is definitely correlated. So firstly, there is always denial. Okay, because there's nothing wrong with you. It's just that you know, I'm having a tough job or it's just that I can't manage this relationship. There's always a blame game that it's the other person that is actually driving me insane. I am all good. Okay, that's when you need to listen to your body and mind. It definitely gives you cues.
Anisa (13:13.43)
So if there is lack of sleep, if there is a lot of tantrums that you're throwing, if it is a lot of anger, which you know, it's just blurting out anger out of the blue. Okay? Otherwise you're a normal person and people at work will find the change and actually point it out. So you need to be careful because these are the people who know you day in and day out. Then people at home also will guide you through and they'll tell you that, look, we find something wrong. So that acceptance is the first step.
Anisa (13:43.319)
to understanding your own body and mind because body also will not give you that kind of, you know, it definitely gives you those signals that there is something wrong, you know, like a gut that goes weak. Okay. Migraines not sleeping too well, always having that day's look on your face. So people who are going through these tough times definitely, you know, give away a lot of cues.
Anisa (14:10.808)
from their body language, from the demeanor that they bear. And this is what we need to keep in mind that if at all there is somebody who's pointing out these things, it's very simple. Just go and get yourself checked or spoken to somebody that is an expert.
Nazneen Kachwala (14:28.033)
Before going to someone Nazneen Kachwala (14:30.417)
who is an expert and before like let's say someone has accepted his or her mental state and now he or she really wants to come out of this situation this mental positioning of his or hers. Is there something that the person can do before approaching a therapist or you know if there are some methods which can calm him down and then if needed he can go to a therapist.
Anisa (14:59.863)
relaxation is the cue. Okay. So first is the acceptance. Then if you just don't want to jump into any kind of counseling or seeing a psychologist or a psychotherapist, you need to just sit down, shut your eyes and get in touch with your inner self. So for me, I always suggest tapping exercises work brilliantly. Okay. So one is this, you need to just go and reach your hypothalamus here.
Anisa (15:29.527)
okay and just tap okay lightly while you shut your eyes and you're thinking about everything that around you is disturbing then the eyebrows so it's the point here at the center of your eyebrow and the end and then all around these are few tapping exercises which just get you so relieved with all the tension areas.
Anisa (15:56.855)
because temple is the main area of tension. Okay. And then it just makes you feel a little better. All right. So it's the hypothalamus that you tap, then these points. Okay. Then you have the point below your nose.
Anisa (16:14.679)
ear below your lips, okay, and your collarbones, just the center of your collarbones. These are phenomenally important for people who don't have anywhere to go. Okay, so sleep is something that they are lacking, they have a confused state of mind, and everybody is not ready to just go ahead accepting the fact that there is something wrong with
Anisa (16:44.474)
So if there is something disturbing, at least to begin with, if I have this lovely chance of just spreading this as my little bit of just settling people down before they can go and see somebody. So this itself will just calm them down a little bit. Water helps. And they always say water also is therapy. So I always suggest that when people go through some kind of
Anisa (17:12.698)
you know, negative thinking zone. All right. We all have that little corner in our homes. That's our special corner. Okay. Either we plonk ourselves up on the bed. Okay. And whenever there's somebody in the house coming looking for us, they know that she would be seated there. Okay. So that corner, we sit and we keep brooding with negative thoughts. That is when you need to get up, go and drink some water.
Anisa (17:40.761)
Take two strolls in the house, stand by the balcony and come and not sit in the same place. Come back and sit in another place. So you're breaking the negative thought. It definitely settles you down there. Okay. Then if repeatedly you're feeling disturbed, that means you need to go and see somebody who could just hear you out. And it's important as well.
Nazneen Kachwala (18:06.913)
Okay, Anisa mam, I have actually seen some cases where people have caught, you know, they start breathing very heavily or they have some pain in the chest and then they do not understand whether it's a mental issue or it's a physical problem and then they end up directly going to a medical physician and the physician would recommend them some pills and probably these pills are not
Nazneen Kachwala (18:36.867)
available without doctor's subscription but prescription but then they need to and then they take these medicines and when they take then they are probably addicted to them for a very long time.
Nazneen Kachwala (18:53.921)
And I don't know if this is the right approach because there's a lack of awareness and is it the responsibility of the physician also to guide them through the therapy sessions or how should this go about.
Anisa (19:07.898)
Now see like I said when there is somebody who just reaches out with these symptoms okay that I'm feeling choked or I'm feeling they're not able to define what anxiety is okay it's just a feeling that chokes them down it's a feeling that is heavy so obviously you run to a doctor who would just sort things out physically okay but the problem is even grave.
Anisa (19:32.602)
Now, like you mentioned, over the counter pills are always available, unfortunately, in countries like India. Of course, mental health, they still have those restrictions, but there is some leeway and they do get those medicines and they start taking those. Some of them are also aware of all the medication and they would go ahead recommending it to a friend who's going through some similar situations. Now, there is something which is elapsed here.
Anisa (20:01.85)
You certainly can't go ahead, you know, understanding this in a better way. Of course, a good doctor would definitely avert you from doing any of this and suggest a mental health expert. But this cannot be really worked upon, especially in countries like ours. People do reach out and unfortunately, there are some who already have the pills at home. They just pass it on to their friends who are facing with the similar symptoms. So, that's a very good thing. It's a concern which is very good that you brought up. And people should definitely go to the experts that could resolve their problem.
Nazneen Kachwala (20:42.369)
Now coming back to the problems of relationships that we discussed. You know, as I grew up, I broadly experienced and observed that whenever there were some issues in the family, then the adults or the elders would step in. If there were problems with the elders, then the community members would step in and they would try to listen to all the signs of the story and give a resolution to the problem and then people would listen to them and they would trust their problems.
Nazneen Kachwala (21:15.555)
And over a period of time they realized that okay what they suggested was right and our lives are now better because we listen to what these people had told us. We see that there is a lack of trust today in our society and this entire setup is also missing. Where do we lag in today and why is... where have we missed the point actually?
No, so of course those were the times where people were well knitted together. Okay, they did have the levy of reaching out to an aunt or a grandmother or a masi or you know anybody who knows them well. They would go ahead cry their hearts out. In fact, the elders would already get cues if you're not well or if you're not emotionally okay and they would go ahead outrightly asking you if there is something wrong.
if there is some way that I can help you. But unfortunately, here we have a lot of social media attention and we are getting so tech savvy that for every problem we reach out and we go ahead researching it online. So that is something which is breaking away. And yet I would still suggest that if there is something that is bothering you, reach out to your sibling, reach out to your own parent, reach out to your own partner.
because they know you in and out. They know that exactly this is a pattern which is differing from the way you've always been. So they could sometimes what happens is people don't want to approach you. Okay, because they feel maybe they would offend you by just asking you if you're okay or you're not okay. So it's you that needs to take the onus that you know, I think I'm feeling a little uncanny and unusual. Can I just talk to you? Okay.
This is very, very important to begin with. Then you don't even need to go to somebody who you can reach out for help outside.
Nazneen Kachwala (23:21.441)
You have heard of many issues of many people over your career, right? And I'm sure you too might be having something going on in your mind and some struggles of your own. What is your, as a psychotherapist, what is your cooling off method and how do you navigate through these overwhelming mental episodes that you listen very often?
Anisa (23:49.149)
It's a very, very huge challenge. Okay. And it's only with training over the years that you can actually find me sane. You're talking to you because it's a lot of years that I've put in into mental health counseling. So for me, what works best is I have a group called a singing group and every morning I love singing. So it is so therapeutic for me. So singing is something that I like. And I definitely ensure that I sing my heart out there. Another thing that always works and it should work for everyone is journaling. Just sitting down and putting your concern, it's not a diary mind you. It's just what is your aspiration in life? What do you want to do year on? So it's just a simple way of just putting down your thoughts.
I also write down every morning a small kind of a little note to people that you know would want to just go ahead taking that little advice. It helps me as well. So these are those morning snippets. Okay. Maybe on WhatsApp or then just you know passing it on to people that I know. I visit a lot of old age homes and I just go and be with them in person.
It definitely helps me. So this is my way of just, you know, taking care of my mental health as well and calming myself down because it's a very, very challenging profession. And each one of us are trained to unwind. Okay. It's like there has to be a closure from one case to the other. You cannot carry that as a story when you fall asleep. So you need to know when to break off and completely be your normal self.
And I have a huge blessing because I have my folks living in with me. So, you know, it's very, very therapeutic when you go and talk to them as seniors. All right. So these are little things which I do. And I suggest that, you know, reading helps, writing down helps, picking a hobby that you always like, exercise it every day. And it definitely helps.
Nazneen Kachwala (25:59.073)
Right. Do you recommend our listeners or people or to your clients to learn more about human psychology and suppose if someone is learning about psychology, as per your experience, does he or she go into a cycle of over analyzing every situation and even if there is nothing substantial to it, yet trying to figure out something out of it. This is just out of curiosity I had this question because of my interest in the subject.
Anisa (26:32.639)
Yes, definitely it does happen because it's a process. Okay. By the time you really reach that, you know, the tip of the curve, you are learning alongside and human psychology is that way. It is very sad that we do analyze and we do get into that rut of, you know, making choices for other people. We definitely go ahead thinking and overthinking ourselves. Okay.
Anisa (27:01.215)
So it's a process over a period of time. And of course I would recommend that people take up psychology as a subject because mental health is of prime importance that people should have some kind of knowledge about. And so they can help themselves and help people around them. It is a very dire need and everybody should have some kind of knowledge. They may not turn into a psychologist or a therapist, but at least be well read.
Anisa (27:31.295)
So analyzing would happen, of course, to answer your question. Overanalyzing is something that you should just be aware of.
Nazneen Kachwala (27:40.033)
You said a person should be well read about the human psychology. So from this I would ask you do you recommend any books, any digital content to someone?
Anisa (27:49.791)
Laws of Human Nature is one of my best reads, the Laws of Nature. And this is a very excellent book because it really takes you to the core of human psychology and behavior patterns. So it's a wonderful read. It is by Robert Green, if I'm not mistaken. And there is a wonderful book called Games People Play by Eric Brine. These are...
Nazneen Kachwala (27:53.889)
Yeah.
Anisa (28:16.415)
two best reads because it just leads you into a zone where at least you understand yourself better before you start understanding people around.
Nazneen Kachwala (28:26.977)
Anisa ma 'am is there anything else that you would want to add to this conversation of ours?
Anisa (28:32.479)
Of course I would like to. It is so important, Nazmeen, that, you know, it's wonderful that we connected because it gives me an opportunity to reach out to the masses that please reach out when it is important and necessary. Listen to your body, listen to the mind that is not giving you that kind of, you know, peaceful... It's very important that you come to terms with your own insecurity.
Anisa (29:01.695)
And parents should take care of this as well. Children are growing way too fast. Okay, so being a child psychologist, it's a request that parents need to be aware of the cues that children give out and help them decide better. Look for cues if there is something wrong, take them to a good child psychologist, or at least be the first counselor in the house for them. So listen to them.
Anisa (29:31.391)
talk to them and always be aware if there are some signs that the child is giving up. So that is something that I would always want to ensure. Another thing is about relationships. Okay. Relationships these days are pretty fragile. Unfortunately, we don't need to rush into anything that we are not ready for. Okay. Understanding two people and taking them at face value helps.
Anisa (30:00.319)
Not judging also is a pattern that you learn with time. So we need to understand relationships at a level where we can take it for a lifetime. And it does work when we have somebody who we reach out for guidance. So we do a lot of pre -marital counseling. And they're ready to take a relationship ahead with those little tips and suggestions that we give out.
Anisa (30:26.719)
So please reach out as a parent, as somebody who's about to get into a relationship, as somebody who is having any kind of cues that the mental health is not okay, or physically they're not feeling fine.
Nazneen Kachwala (30:42.849)
Thank you ma 'am for giving out these wonderful advices and for your time to have this beautiful conversation. I'm sure anyone who listens to this is going to benefit a lot from it. Thanks a lot again.
Anisa (30:58.655)
Thank you so much, Nazneen. It's been a pleasure and indeed it's very, very important that I get this opportunity of just letting myself out here and sharing a few things that I know as an expert. Thank you.
Nazneen Kachwala (31:13.473)
Thank you. Thanks a lot.
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